Trading Against Yourself

I kind of had an idea that I've got a complicated past, but it's never been so evident to me prior to actively trading. Sometimes, I feel like not only am I competing against other traders, but I'm also competing against myself - me with my tangled-up emotions, excess baggage, and squeaky internal voice that says short one second and long the next. It doesn't help that, as a woman, I am also prone to the monthly hormonal volatility otherwise known as PMS.

I've learned to hold back on trading when I'm feeling especially vulnerable, but I really want to get to a point where I'm feeling zen all the time.

I do find that using brainwave entrainment helps to focus me. I love the thunderstorm ones in alpha, theta, and delta. I tried using gamma as well, but that started to really scare me as I was having strange dreams, feeling compassion for people who really don't deserve it, and whatnot after using gamma entrainment. Apparently, the whole thing about Tibetan monks being in a gamma state during meditation requires much more research. Tread with caution if you use gamma. Alpha and theta seem to work the best, but as I feel I'm at a stage in life where healing is very important, I've been using delta more often of late.

As I've mentioned before, I realised I've been struggling with self-sabotage quite a lot. It turns out that self-sabotage is supposed to be indicative of positive change taking place in your life. If you find yourself really opposing to a new change you're trying to make and you're encountering lots of self-sabotage, then that is a good indication that the change should really be taking place. Your subconscious mind is just afraid to change and is therefore creating self-sabotage to prevent that change from occurring.

The key is not only to persist, but also to push yourself to overcome this internal battle.

I've had an almost lifelong battle with feeling like I really don't belong anywhere, feeling like I'm not good enough, and basically living with many missing pieces - which altogether prevent me from living a fulfilling life. Who deserves such self-abuse? To make a long story short, I finally realised that I've been using my history as an excuse not to do better and not to be better. I've essentially been trading against myself.

Having the courage to acknowledge this is important as the traders that don't have these self-esteem / self-sabotage / emotional baggage issues - or the ones that do but rise above these issues - inevitably gain a competitive advantage. And I'm going to be one of them!